Are you new to this? Five things you should get used to (Part 1)

1. Having to arrange your life around the matches his team is playing. 

That means no social engagements whatsoever during the afternoon hours or Saturday or Sunday. If, by some hideous coincidence you have to be elsewhere for the duration of the match (and you have to have a Very Good Reason) expect him to be bored, miserable, itching to leave, surreptitiously checking his phone every 3 minutes and generally unable to hold a conversation.

2. Being ignored.

Don't bother trying to talk to him during the game. You won't get any attention. It's not personal. At best you will get a half-time cuddle.

3. Genuine sorrow and despondency when his team loses.

Be gentle with him, he is vulnerable and sad.

4. The happiest mood when his team wins.

Pure joy. Now is the time to ask him to do the washing up/to make supper/a little treat.

5a. Yes, he will want to watch Match of the Day as well.

5b. He will also play FIFA before bed.

(Gifs from giphy.com)

The Society of Football Widows

My boyfriend fucking loves football.

It compels him and moves in him a way I don't quite understand, although I do try. His allegiance to his (and, by default, I suppose, my) team - Arsenal, if you're interested - goes far beyond support. His team has the ability to make him feel exasperated, hopeful, proud, despairing, ecstatic, frustrated and enraged - just like an actual relationship. Is your significant other like this? If so, you're probably an unwitting and reluctant member of The Society of Football Widows: an unofficial club for those who become demoted to second position as soon as the Premier League starts.

Maybe you attempt to be interested and adopt his team as yours (even if this only means, as in my case, pointing out the most handsome players during the odd match).

Maybe you literally could not give less of a fuck, but you love him anyway.

Nevertheless, you are a Football Widow, like me.

Welcome.